By: Angela Espinoza

Has someone told you before that “you need to start thinking logically”? Or, maybe that your emotions tend to get the best of you? Perhaps some of us believe that there is a center point at which logic and emotion can both meet. For others, it can be difficult to rest in the idea of this type of agreement or mutual understanding between heart and mind. In the context of this topic, we refer to “relationships” as any and all types of them, familial, romantic, friendships, etc.

Thinking logically about a presenting circumstance requires that we take something or someone for what it is/who they are without the “buts” and “what ifs”. The truth and reality are at times, not easy to accept. Logical thinking and decision-making encourage us to think about our present self and our future self. Your future self could be depending on your present self for something, to take an action that has the full potential of making lasting change. It is like falling into your own arms in trust. Questions such as, “How do I want to progress”?, “What is needed to get to where I want to be”?, and “What needs to change in order for me to break the cycle”? are questions that require us to step out of our comfort zone with rationale.

When emotionality arises, acting with rationale can be blurred. “The heart wants what it wants.” Some of us might relate a little or even a lot to this, and that is okay. There is no shame. Acting emotionally without thinking logically, can look like so many different scenarios. Some of these scenarios can be:

• Continuing to nurture a relationship that is one-sided because we think that the other person will change their ways.
• Letting ourselves be continuously mistreated and disrespected by another person because there is still love and admiration for them, even if only an ounce.
• Being “too giving” to others, especially as a people-pleaser or as someone that wants to keep the peace.
• Sincere consideration of another person’s love language with no reciprocity towards ourself from them.
• Not gifting ourselves the permission to live out our fullest potential because of the actions and perceptions of others.

Intricacies of Logic and Emotion Interwoven in Family Systems

Family, at its core, is an integral component of our day to day. There are certain attachments and bonds that may exist within our own family system/s. The nature and quality of these attachments and bonds varies with different types of family members. The feelings that we have, our emotions, actions that we take (and those that we don’t), what we say (and what we don’t say), and how we relate to certain family members are all situational. 

The complexities and intricacies of family systems reflect the diversity in how we relate to different members of our family.

Cultures that influence strong and persistent beliefs about obedience and commitment to family can be one of multiple factors that further incline some individuals to succumb to the desires of their family even when the person, themselves takes notice that their values and beliefs have evolved over time. This is also known as familismo. Familismo is a cultural practice in family systems with an emphasis on interdependence; supporting the needs of family members and doing what is necessary to “put the family above anything else”. Due to the complexities and intricacies of family systems, all families experience varying difficulties, challenges, and types of conflict. Some challenges may be severe while others may be more “casual”. Either way, dysfunction, to some extent, is inevitable in a family.

Some or most of us, might agree that being present, supportive, giving, and nurturing to our family is of vital importance. It is the perception that many of us grew up with, and it is also what society entails as important. Although this may be true, the circumstances born in family systems don’t always permit for presence, supportiveness, and nurturance. As individuals, it is important to do what is best for us and for our future, and doing so involves logical thinking and proactive decision-making. For people who are people-pleasers, who have been pressured into thinking “collectively”, or who experienced any type of manipulation, gaslighting, and/or psychological abuse, decision-making for one’s life may not come easy when trying to do so rationally.

Emotions might be confusing, and sometimes, they convince us to cater or meet the needs of people even when it does not make sense to do so, especially when those people are our family members. Even though easier said than done, firm boundary setting can be the catalyst between logical decision-making and acting emotionally.

Intricacies of Logic and Emotion Interwoven in Friendships & Romantic Relationships

Similar complexity depth can exist in other types of relationships such as those that are romantic or those 

that involve friends. Although friends and romantic partners are not related by blood, these people in our life can become just as equally important as a family member is to us.

Most of us may be aware of the emotional rollercoasters that lie within the deep connections that we develop with friends and romantic partners. Certain characteristics about us, such as our attachment style, can either support or negatively affect the way that we navigate these kinds of relationships. In using attachment styles as an example for understanding the intricacies between thinking logically and acting emotionally, it may be helpful to place the spotlight on an attachment style such as the anxious-related style. 

In people with the anxious attachment style, individuals tend to have excessive worries about whether the people in their life are safe and reliable to stay. People with this type of attachment style, rely on a need for permanence and can feel uneasy when they don’t feel a sense of stability and safety from the people in their life. Therefore, when seeking balance between logical thinking and acting emotionally, it may seem impossible to think logically as an individual’s acting emotionally is the more immediate response in specific moments in order to reach their need for security.

Besides attachment styles, there are plenty of other factors that impact the way that individuals find resolution when challenges arise in their relationships. To name a few, these can be the duration of the relationship, the quality of the relationship, support systems, beliefs/values, self-esteem and self-compassion, and emotional intelligence. 

At the Core Is Self-Love

Perhaps, at the core of it all, the embrace of self-love is what will set us free. With self-love and embarking on our own individual healing journeys will allow us to find that center point between logic and emotion. We owe it to ourselves to chase the journey of self-love in order to find trust, reliability, and validation within ourselves instead of seeking it out externally.

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